AVOID PICKY EATING HABITS
The important word here is AVOID. Unfortunately, many ineffective habits get started innocently enough. For instance, last week a mom told me that if her son doesn’t eat his vegetables, he gets sent to his room for a time-out. Now, I completely understand the frustration and worry that leads to these desperate steps, but I’d like to help point you in the right direction so you can AVOID inadvertently encouraging habits that you later come to regret.
Food battles and picky eating habits cause a great deal of grief, stress, and worry. So today we’re going to talk about how to avoid these problems.
Realistically, It’s a lot easier to prevent a problem than it is to fix it. Or, put another way, it’s much easier to learn a good habit than break a bad one!
In a future episode, we’ll have a good chat about how to help picky eaters turn around their habits. But for today, I want to focus on how to approach mealtime in ways that encourage a relaxed and healthy relationship with food.
By the way, I have an online course for parents of kids aged 1 - 6 years about how to calmly and gently handle all those crazy awesome toddler moments. If this interests you, take a look at the link in the show notes.
Now let’s get started by considering normal toddler eating habits. When you know what’s normal and expected, it’s much easier to respond in ways that avoid problems.
Normal toddler eating habits:
- Kids have small stomachs, so they need more eating opportunities throughout the day than adults do. Many toddlers need to eat around every 2- 3 hours. In other words, 3 meals and 2-3 snacks.
- A toddler may love a particular food one day and hate it the next. Sound familiar?
- They also may love to eat the same food over and over - just like they like to read the same book endless times.
- They often won’t eat unless they’re hungry.
- Toddlers refuse to eat certain foods, especially if you’re pushing them to eat it, because they crave power.
- And they may not eat the same amount each day. They eat based on body cues.
- Lastly, some toddlers are more hesitant about texture and newness than others
From a developmental perspective, toddlers need to feel in control. One way they assert their need for independence is by choosing what they will or won’t eat. In other words, they may refuse to eat certain foods just to feel powerful.
So, a no-pressure approach to eating will side-step unnecessary power struggles. Parents rarely win food wars. Research shows 50% of kids are picky eaters at some point in life. Most often this starts around 2 years of age. Think of picky eating as a natural stage as opposed to a problem and trust in your baby’s eating journey.
Let’s look at 3 strategies that will help you avoid food battles and picky eating habits.
Strategy #1.
Let Your Kids Choose How Much They Eat
Studies have shown that kids eat better and more when they’re not pressured or bribed to eat. Pressure comes in lots of forms. For instance:
- Make mommy happy and eat your peas
- “You can’t leave the table till you finish what’s on your plate.”
- You can’t leave the table until you take 2 more bites
- Take 1 more bite and you can have a cookie for dessert
Pressuring our kids teaches them to eat to make us happy and leads to obesity. Instead, we want to teach a child to listen to their body, which is what comes naturally to them. We want them To eat when hungry and stop when full or comfortable.
I know this isn’t easy but . . . respect your child’s appetite or lack of one. I.E. if she doesn’t want to eat, don’t push it.
Allowing your children to choose how much to eat is a great way to avoid picky eating habits altogether. And it teaches kids to trust themselves because they know their body better than anyone else.
Remember, kids tend to eat every few hours. So, if they don’t eat well at one meal, the next eating opportunity isn’t far behind.
Strategy #2
Allow Your Child To Be In Charge Of What They Eat From The Meal Served
Putting your child in charge of what they eat satisfies the need to feel in charge.
Your job is to provide healthy meals. And your child’s job is to choose what they’ll eat from what’s provided.
Avoid saying things like:
“If you don’t eat your vegetable, you’re going to get sick”
“You love carrots. You ate them yesterday.”
“Try them. You’ll love them”
“Finish what’s on your plate. Kids in other countries are starving.”
Avoid talking about food as good or bad food. Otherwise, kids may assume they are good or bad as a result of eating the food.
Make one healthy family meal, and provide at least one food you know your child will eat, also known as a ‘safe’ food at each meal.
Kids eat frequently, and even if they don’t eat what you hoped they would at one meal, a healthy snack is not far away.
I typically encourage my patients to consider what a child has eaten week by week, not meal by meal. Most kids will have eaten, at least a little of each food group by the end of the week.
You’ll avoid picky eating habits before they begin when your child is put in charge of making choices about what they eat. Of course, you’re providing a healthy meal, and your child chooses from the family meal.
Don’t start making multiple meals as this just encourages picky eating habits down the road. Provide a healthy family meal and always include safe food.
Remember what the research tells us: pushing a kid to eat actually results in less intake.
Strategy #3
Provide A Positive Eating Environment
The environment in which kids eat is also important. Let's dig into this -
Instead of focusing on how much or what your toddler eats, make happy and relaxed mealtimes your goal.
The benefits are enormous, not only from a nutritional point of view but also emotionally. This strengthens family bonds and encourages a healthy relationship with food. Also, we can teach by being a good example, and can even help with self-esteem and communication skills.
Allow kids to explore food with their hands when you can tolerate a mess
Repetition (without pressure) encourages a child to try new foods. That means you offer new food multiple times without asking or pressuring your kids to eat. Just offer it in small portions, in different ways if possible.
Talk about the color, texture, and aroma of food.
Involve kids in food prep, shopping lists, cleaning, and preparing foods on a regular basis.
Be a good example. Eat the foods you want your children to eat.
If your child refuses to eat something just say, “okay. Maybe you’ll enjoy it next time.”
Have realistic expectations about how long a toddler is likely to sit at the table. In general, although this varies:
< 2 years - 4 mins or less
2 years - 4- 6 minutes
4 years - 8 - 12
6 years- 12 -18
Change up varieties, portion sizes, brands, and shapes. Also, mix up what a typical breakfast food might look like. I.e. for instance, give soup for breakfast.
Serve lots of variety, early on.
Avoid screentime while eating. When we eat in front of a screen, we eat on autopilot and a toddler’s not listening to his/her body, noticing what they’re eating or what other family members are eating, or engaging with family members. It’s associated with obesity and may help get food consumed in the short term— but doesn’t promote a healthy relationship with food.
Provide regular mealtimes and sit-down snacks. Our responsibility is to create the structure and our kid's job is to do the eating. Children benefit from a structure in all aspects of their lives, including eating. Eating at set times helps kids become hungry between meals, which then helps them learn to listen to their bodies.
Avoid grazing. It’s a very common habit, especially when you’re worried about your child’s intake. But it leads to picky eating, power struggles, and can easily spin out of control. Kids eat better at mealtimes when they come to the table hungry.
Of course, speak with your healthcare provider if you’re concerned about your child's eating habits or growth. Sometimes a child is a picky eater because of sensory, developmental, or health issues. Your physician will tease out normal and expected picky eating habits from those related to underlying concerns.
It’s time to throw out the old habits of pushing, bribing, and coaxing kids to eat and instead encourage a child to listen to their bodies. TRUST is the new keyword. Trust your toddler to eat the right amount for him/her.
